MEET SHANNON
Personal Profile
Hi! My name is Shannon Goertz. I am happy that you found me but also sorry that we are meeting under the circumstances that brought you here. I am not a certified counselor, psychologist, mediator, or an attorney. I am definitely a hybrid though of two kindred spirits.
Most people know me as a Divorce Coach but when my first widower showed up in group, that changed a lot for me. Heartbreak is my business. I take my craft very seriously and every week, I am searching through videos, documentaries and reading from 3 different books where the underlying theme is helping others.
I am deeply humbled that my Life’s purpose was revealed to me during divorce. I assure that I was not happy at the time, but Chaos is an Illusion. Dr. Wayne Dyer once said that “every spiritual advance in your life will be preceded by some kind of fall or seeming
disaster”—so this ends up being the greatest journey of your Life.
It is not an accident that you found my website.
Your life is your life.
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is a light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life……sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you.
“The Laughing Heart” by Charles Bukowski from Betting on the Muse
Welcome.
I truly hope you find something to lighten the burden in your heart and lessen your pain. It will be time soon to move on. Dr. Wayne Dyer once said that every spiritual advance in your Life will be preceded by some kind of fall or seeming disaster. This speaks to me because my 2nd favorite saying in the world has always been, “Chaos is an Illusion.”
Your life is like a play with several acts. Some of the characters who enter have short roles to play, others, much larger. Some are villains and others are good guys. But all of them are necessary; otherwise, they wouldn't be in the play.
Embrace them all, and move on to the next act.
I am honored and truly humbled to be one of the characters in your Play.
My final instructions:
-
Guard over your internal dialogue.
2. Be wary of your mental models.
3. Don’t die with your music still in you **; Find your purpose in this life.
4. Accept Life as it is. Learn to “Let go.”
5. Be Fearless. Love again.
We are all where we are today because it is truly where we want to be.
By Shannon Goertz
March 22, 2020
Both quotes ** by Dr. Wayne Dyer
The following was my original game plan to get through my divorce
Baby steps…my Game Plan for surviving. Do each step one at a time. I would not move on to the next step until you complete the previous one. If a step calls for you to leave this page. Get it done. Complete the step, come back and move on to the next step.
Step 1: First thing I always tell people, watch the movie Cast Away with Tom Hanks again.
That movie is NOT about some dude being stranded on an island. The entire movie in my opinion is a metaphor for divorce and heartbreak.
The title also gives it away.
The definition of a “castaway” (note its one word “castaway”) is a shipwrecked person, however that is NOT the name of the movie with Tom Hanks.
It's Cast Away. There is a strategic space between both words. (Cast_Away)
The definition now changes. “Cast away”, means to be thrown out or away.
Now knowing this, go back and watch the movie again because it is loaded with symbolism that we all missed the first time. The movie also gives us a unique opportunity to actually hear someone else’s internal dialogue.
Yes, Wilson the Volleyball should have gotten an Oscar. Tom’s conversation with the volleyball is the main character’s internal dialogue out loud for you to hear the battle within his spirit dealing with his heartbreak and struggling to survive.
If you remember there is a moment early on where Tom tries to escape the island for the first of two times on a very small damaged raft that is running out of air. His desperate attempt is crushed like an ant by the mammoth waves surrounding the island that fling him back to the shore. He returns to the beach torn to bits by the coral, bleeding, limping and crying in pain. This is basically what happens when you try to date too early. Group members have asked me why the pain of the rebound attempt hurts so bad; seemingly worse than the previous breakup?
I always say, “I am sorry. You have to go back to the Island and do your time like the rest of us.”
It is a beautiful movie and the epitome of my 2nd favorite saying in the world:
Chaos is an Illusion.
Tom actually finds his True Love at the end of the movie. Unfortunately, he had to walk this path to get to her. It is the same path you now walk. Pay attention close at the beginning of the movie because her life (Tom’s future love) falls apart before the actual plane crash but since they don’t show but seconds of her in the beginning and never her face, a lot of people don’t remember that part of the movie.
The sun will rise again and who knows what the tide may bring.
I suspect the director took the movie in a different direction but the writer left clues, none stronger than the scene where one of the FedEx boxes is opened.
Tom actually pulls out a divorce decree right in your face at one point.
Step 2: Follow the Rules – Go to the Game Plan to find them.
Step 3: Find a local support group if you can. It is imperative that you find one that lets you speak about what you went through. More importantly one where you get to hear others share their pain as well. If you live in a rural area or can’t find one; stay tuned. I am working on it. I am researching video teleconferencing networks as we speak.
Step 4: YouTube: TED TALK Dr. Andrew Solomon; How the worst moments of our lives make us who we are. (see video tab)
Step 5: I would be reading and more importantly implementing the exercises in Dr. David Burn’s Book: Feeling Good. It’s about correcting your internal dialogue. Additionally, if you have never used Affirmations in your life, it is time. This simple daily practice will help you recognize negative self-talk more frequently than ever before. You must practice daily. I think it was legendary Laker coach Pat Riley who once said, “If you’re not practicing, you’re getting worse.” Remember it is my opinion, that correcting your internal dialogue IS the Key to Happiness. You bring about what you think about or the kingdom of Heaven is within. Start today. It is a Universal Truth.
Step 6: TED TALK Dr. Srikumar Rao Plug into your Hard-Wired Happiness (see video section)
Agoraphobia is defined as an anxiety disorder or which the individual fears and/or avoids places, people or situations that might send them into a panic attack.
Mental Models are the antithesis of this scenario. It’s what Dr. Rao is teaching about in the video.
It’s my understanding that people suffering from agoraphobia create game plans of which they adopt to prevent fear and suffering.
The people with mental models have created game plans that must succeed in order for them to be happy. (or at least they “think” it works that way) This is a loser’s game and something we are all guilty of… Learn about them now so you can break this endless cycle. You do not need “anything” to be happy.
Step 7: YouTube The Death Crawl scene from Facing the Giants (see video tab)
You thinking about giving up? This is a powerful lesson. I used to pretend that the Coach in the video was God and He Knows….what you got left in the tank. You can’t hide it.
Step 8: YouTube TED TALK David Steindl-Rast Want to be Happy? Be grateful. I followed his game plan with the sticky notes and I found something that reminded me every day how lucky I truly am.
Step 9: YouTube Be Proud of your scars (Kintsugi) the Story of what they do with broken bowls in Japan. How they compare this practice to the survival of the human spirit.
Step 10: YouTube TED TALK How to fix a broken heart Dr. Guy Winch
Step 11: Get the Book: How to fix a broken Heart by Dr. Guy Winch
Step 12: YouTube Harold Kushner When Bad Things Happen to Good People
Step 13: Get the Book: When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold Kushner
Step 14: YouTube Gar Gopal Das If you want fulfillment in life
Step 15: YouTube TED TALK Brene Brown Listening to Shame
Step 16: YouTube TED TALK Three steps to transform your life Lena Kay
Step 17: YouTube TED TALK Hardwiring Happiness Dr. Rick Hanson
Step 18: YouTube TED TALK Patti Dobrowolski Draw your Future
Step 19: YouTube Guy Winch Emotional First Aid
Step 20: YouTube Dr. Jordan Peterson 12 Rules for Life 1:30:33 *****This video is Amazing to me but it doesn’t do the book justice.
Step 21: Get the Book: 12 Rules for Life: an Antidote to Chaos:
This is something I wish was available to read back in my 20s.
Step 22: YouTube TED TALK Who you should marry
Step 23: Ask a therapist about EMDR Therapy
Step 24: YouTube HG Tudor Introduction and Fuel (How to know the narcissist) A LOT of you have been dealing with Narcissists and didn’t even know it. Hence Rule#2.
Step 25: YouTube What is Gaslighting? 9 signs this type of manipulation is happening to you
Step 26: YouTube HG Tudor Watch as much as you can on HG TUDOR. If you don’t know what a narcissist is, watch them all.
Step 27: Stay here in the NOW. Almost all fear and anxiety comes from worrying about the future in my opinion. The only SURE thing you have is THIS DAY. Get the book, How to stop worrying and start living by Dale Carnegie. Do not underestimate this book. It might be the 2nd most important thing you learn from me. It goes hand-in-hand with correcting your internal dialogue.
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