Heartbreak Support

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Today: August 25, 2026 07:00 PM Central Time (US and Canada) Join Zoom Meeting https://us02web.zoom.us/j/83238757034?pwd=h9zYbvUvXhKgbKEJfBBIdYRO3k9stJ.1 Meeting ID: 832 3875 7034 Passcode: 435320

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now l've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.” Delicious Ambiguity. -Gilda Radner (From her memoirs in 1989 before she passed away of ovarian cancer) T❤️

(by Dr David Burns on the anxiety podcast) “NO ONE can help you unless…..you tell on yourself.” — Shannon Goertz “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking that makes it so.“ — William Shakespeare. I have a powerful story that answers the question: Why am I depressed and anxious? What causes depression and anxiety? And more importantly, what is the cure? How can I defeat this thing? One of my toughest patients ever commuted from New York to Philadelphia to see me, I

“You do not fall in love by accident. You fall into familiar pain. You do not always choose what feels healthy at first. You choose what feels known. And sometimes what feels known is distance, silence, emotionally unavailable people, and relationships where you are always reaching …………..but never fully held. If you have ever asked yourself, “Why do I keep loving people who cannot love me back?” this is not weakness. It is a pattern. Patterns are learned, and what is learned

One of the single biggest changes you can make in your life, is to set the intention that, when a negative thought enters your mind, you won’t let the hook set. You will never control when a negative thought appears, but you can become remarkably skilled at recognizing it before the barb catches hold. (see where the arrow is pointing in the picture; barb) This one decision today has the power to change the direction of your life forever. I've noticed in myself over the past s

Two weeks ago, I asked a gentleman in the support group a dark question. I said, "Tell me honestly. What would it take for you….. to do to her….what she has done to you?" (he had considered self-harm) The group became quiet. He looked at me with a expression as if wincing from pain and shook his head. "No" he said. "I could never do that to anyone. Especially her." (His answer didn’t surprise me. I expected it.) My point was………..but she did. So I asked him, “What does that

Could We Be Looking at One of the Biggest Mental Health Breakthroughs of Our Lifetime? “ I am used to so much suffering. I have endured so much in waves and war. Let the next adventure follow.” —-Odysseus (the Odyssey) I rarely tell people to stop what they're doing and watch a documentary. I'm telling you now. If you have struggled your entire life with anger, depression, addiction, rage, shame, despair, childhood trauma, sexual abuse, or emotional pain that never seems to

The following are concepts adapted fromThe School of Life's discussion on shame and childhood development with the actual article below. “Every human being who has ever walked this planet is, in their own way, radically imperfect and broken when observed from close up. “ –Alain de Botton You were not born with Shame, but it did get in there somehow. You were not born with shame. (read it again) You were not born believing you were defective. You were not born believing you

I don't know if you have noticed that when you introspect, when you look into yourself in order to change yourself, there is always a wave of depression. There is always a moody wave which you have to battle against; you have to examine yourself again in order to overcome that mood and so on. Introspection is a process in which there is no release because it is a process of transforming what is into something which it is not. —J. K. Murti Sg

So years ago around Covid, we had this survivor come into the group. She was clearly Type “A” powerful executive and used to the business world bending to her will, but the business of divorce was not going to yield…. Long story short she just had to have her divorce go a very specific way, which include included a very quick resolution. That’s not how it works. As a matter of fact, one of the greatest spiritual paradoxes is….. “If you want something, you can’t have it… but

Let us begin with the truth. Happiness is not a miracle. It is not a gift bestowed upon the lucky few. It is not a feeling that visits you only when circumstances align in your favor. No, happiness is a state of consciousness, a decision of the mind, and a product of spiritual and mental discipline. It is something you must create, not something you wait for. And here's the great secret…….You can be happy every single day, no matter what. No matter the storm around you, no ma

There is a phrase I hear often in heartbreak recovery, even if it is not spoken out loud: better the devil you know. Let me be clear. The “devil” is not your partner. The devil is the pattern. The devil is familiarity. The devil is the nervous system choosing predictable pain over unfamiliar peace. And over the years, I have watched this dynamic play out more times than I can count. I have also watched something else: people blaming everything except their own participation i

When the mind is unshaken by praise or blame, gain or loss, even the strongest poison loses its power. This is a spiritual teaching… There comes a quiet moment after your divorce (or end of a romantic relationship that was abusive ) when something changes. Not outside, but inside. You stop explaining yourself. You stop begging to be understood. You stop shrinking to keep someone comfortable. And THAT is the moment a certain kind of person panics. Not because you became

I couldn’t decide what to title this blog. But it covers: The Last Challenge of the Trauma Bond (the shock to the system of realizing you can be in a real loving relationship…) and…. The Origin of: “Nice Guys Finish Last.” (but it happens to women too) I have said many times that the trauma bond is addiction, and it is Stockholm syndrome, period . Over the years, I have watched hundreds of you try to break the trauma bond, whether after abuse, after divorce, or after the end

No Man Steps Into the Same River Twice “No man ever steps into the same river twice, for he is not the same man and it is not the same river.” — Heraclitus This single sentence quietly dismantles most of what we assume about love. We wake up each day beside someone who has changed. And yet we often try to love them as if they have not. We cling to yesterday’s version. Yesterday’s tone. Yesterday’s promise. Yesterday’s safety. In doing so, we miss the living person stand

Q: Why is it so desperately want to be loved? A: Because we are so desperately empty, lonely. Q: But you said that loving on the whole is more important than being loved? A: Yes, of course, obviously, which means one must understand this emptiness, this loneliness in oneself. So the question of love is really an extraordinary thing because a mind that's frightened obviously cannot love. A mind that is self-concerned with its own ambitions, greed, fears, guilt—that type of suf

There is an old saying from the East. Feed a snake. Love a snake. Respect a snake. Pray for a snake. It does not matter. It will still bite you. Wisdom is knowing the difference between compassion and self destruction. Be kind, but not naive. Forgive, but do not forget the lesson. Love, but do not sacrifice yourself to prove it. This is not about resentment. It is about seeing clearly. People do not always hurt you because you failed to love them well enough. Sometimes they h

Do we truly believe that constant happiness is guaranteed in most marriages or in any other area of life? I assure you that every single human being takes equal sips of suffering. It is also true that every single romantic relationship contains its own points of friction, regardless of what is carefully curated and posted on Facebook. 🙄 The belief that we are entitled to uninterrupted happiness sits at the root of much of our distress. The marriage ceremony doesn’t even men

I have probably studied somewhere between 800 and a thousand near-death experiences . I didn’t come to them casually. I came to them the way people do when life breaks you. Over time, patterns begin to emerge. Themes repeat. Warnings surface . And one of the most consistent messages I hear from people who have crossed to the Other Side and returned is this: Be careful with shame. Not fear. Not anger. Not grief. Shame. What surprises people is that in near-death experiences, t