Choosing Anger (emotions)

What’s Inside of You?

When you squeeze a lemon, what comes out? Lemon juice—because that’s what’s inside. But what about you? If you were squeezed right now—by stress, by loss, by fear—what would come out? Anger? Grief? Bitterness? Compassion?

Do we get to choose what spills out? And if so, how quickly can we shift it—especially if we don’t like what we’re feeling?

Let me share a couple of real-life stories to illustrate this.

Story One: The Boat on Lake Worth

Years ago, some friends and I were out on Lake Worth, just relaxing in a ski boat after a long day. The sun was setting, beer was flowing, and conversation was light. Then someone noticed another boat in the distance, heading in our direction. No big deal at first—but it never changed course. If you’ve spent time on the water, you know that’s something to watch closely.

A minute later, the incoming boat was still on a direct path toward us—close enough now to have everyone’s full attention. Lake Worth is a big lake. With all that open water, the odds of a boat driving straight at another without adjusting course are slim. But this one didn’t veer even slightly.

As the threat became obvious, everyone dove into the water to get out of harm’s way. Just before impact, the other boat suddenly went into full reverse—still heading straight for us but slowing enough to merely kiss the side of our vessel.

Now picture this: a bunch of guys in their 20s, drinking, shaken up, and now climbing back into their boat—angry, shouting, ready to fight. But now let me change the story slightly.

What if, as they scrambled back on board to confront the reckless boater... they discovered there was no one in the other boat?

No captain. No passengers. No one to blame.

What happens to all that rage?

It evaporates. The mood instantly changes from fury to confusion, maybe even laughter. Why? Because it’s hard to stay mad at nobody. With no one to direct the anger toward, the emotion simply loses its target and fades.

Story Two: The Accident

This next story is more difficult to hear.

Back in high school, there was a guy everyone admired—an all-star athlete, a defensive phenom on the football field. He was gifted, intimidating, but deeply kind. A couple of years after we graduated, around 1985, he was out on the lake with family and friends enjoying a sunny day on the water.

After pulling into the dock to let people off, he took the boat back out into the open water to turn it around and wait while the trailer was backed down. Out of nowhere, another boat came flying across the water at full throttle and ran right over the top of him.

He didn’t survive. In fact, what was left was so shocking that it brought everyone to their knees. Imagine the emotions—horror, grief, rage. His loved ones turned immediately toward the other boat, driven by pure fury, ready to confront or even destroy whoever had done this.

You better believe they went after him…..I will tell you the rest of this story at the end….but for now….

Imagine standing amidst a raging storm—the wind howling, the rain lashing—but you remain perfectly still, untouched by the chaos. This is the essence of inner peace: a state where external turbulence does not disturb your serenity. Mastery over one's mind and emotions is not some distant ideal, but a practice anyone can cultivate.

One ancient teaching states: "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else—you are the one who gets burned." This wisdom reminds us that anger harms the one who harbors it far more than its target. But how can one truly transcend anger in a world full of provocations?

Let us journey through a series of inspired teachings and stories, each offering insight into becoming unshakable—unmoved by others’ actions, and at peace with oneself.

The Priest and the Troubled DiscipleA wise priest lived in a quiet monastery where seekers came to learn the art of inner peace. Among them was a disciple struggling with anger. "Father" he said, "I cannot help but feel anger rise within me when people insult or provoke me. How can I stop this fire from consuming me?"

The priest smiled and handed him a cup of tea. "Drink this," he said. The disciple drank but found it bitter. "Why did you stop drinking?" asked the priest. "It is too bitter," the disciple replied. The priest nodded, "Anger is like this tea—bitter. Yet many choose to drink it again and again, believing it will punish others, but it only fills their own cup with bitterness." To let go of anger, one must first recognize its futility. Anger does not solve problems—it only exacerbates them. It clouds judgment and perpetuates suffering.

The Test of the StoneOne day, a monk instructed his disciple to carry a large stone everywhere he went. "Each time someone angers you, hold the stone tighter," he said. At first, the disciple managed well, but as the days passed, the burden became unbearable. Exhausted, he returned to the master and said, "This stone grows heavier with every step. I cannot carry it anymore."

The master replied, "Anger is no different. Every time you hold on to it, you carry an invisible burden. The longer you cling to it, the heavier it becomes. Let go of the stone, and you will feel light." The disciple dropped the stone and felt immediate relief. This story shows how releasing anger frees us from unnecessary suffering. Letting go is not weakness—it is a courageous act of self-liberation.

Ecclesiastes 7:9 (NIV)

"Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools."

The Mirror’s WisdomThe master led the disciple to a clear, still pond. "Look into the water," he instructed. "What do you see?" "I see myself," the disciple replied. The master stirred the water with a stick. "Now what do you see?" "Only distortions," said the disciple. The master smiled, "When your mind is calm like still water, you see clearly. But when anger stirs your mind, it distorts your perception."

The mind is a mirror reflecting our inner state. A calm mind perceives reality clearly; an agitated mind is clouded by emotion. Meditation, mindfulness, and breathing can cultivate this clarity.

James 1:23–24 (NIV)

"Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like."

This passage connects to the metaphor of the mind as a mirror, urging us to seek inner clarity and alignment through God’s word, not just fleeting emotion or distorted reflection.

1 Corinthians 13:12 (NIV)

"For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."

This verse speaks to the idea that our perception is limited and can be distorted—much like the stirred water. A calm, faithful heart moves us closer to true understanding.

The Art of IgnoringOne day, a traveler came to a church and hurled insults at the pastor. Some of the flock and clergymen where nearby, expecting a reaction, but the pastor remained silent and unmoved. Frustrated, the traveler asked, "Why do you not respond?"

The pastor replied, "If someone offers you a gift and you refuse to accept it, to whom does the gift belong?" "To the one who offered it," said the traveler. "Exactly," the pastor said. "Your words are like that gift. I do not accept them, so they remain yours."

This story highlights the power of non-reaction. Not every provocation deserves a response. By refusing to engage, we deny others the power to disturb our peace.

Proverbs 26:4 (NIV)

"Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be just like him."

This verse directly supports the idea that not every insult or provocation is worth responding to. Silence can be wisdom in disguise.

Compassion as a Shield“Master,” the disciple asked, “how can I remain calm when people deliberately hurt me?”The master replied, “When someone is sick, do you blame them for their symptoms?”“No,” said the disciple. “They are not in control.”The master nodded. “Likewise, when people act out of anger, envy, or ignorance, they are sick with their emotions. Respond with compassion—they know not what they do.”The disciple began to see outbursts as cries for help rather than attacks. Compassion transforms anger into understanding.

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” — Luke 23:34 (NIV)

The Empty BoatThe master shared a story: “Imagine you are rowing a boat across a lake when another boat collides with yours. If it is empty, you feel no anger. But if you see someone inside, you may grow angry and blame them. Yet the collision happened regardless. Anger arises not from the event but from the mind’s interpretation.”This teaches that anger is a choice, not a certainty. Remove judgment, and you can navigate life without emotional turbulence.

“A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.” — Proverbs 19:11 (NIV)

Practicing Stillness“Sit quietly and observe your thoughts without judgment,” the master advised. At first, the disciple struggled, but with persistence, he found peace. He realized that thoughts and emotions, like clouds, come and go. By not clinging to them, he remained calm even in chaos.Stillness is the foundation of peace. Through mindfulness, we learn to detach from fleeting emotions and build a stable, unshakable mind.

“Be still, and know that I am God.” — Psalm 46:10 (NIV)

The Lesson of the BambooNoticing the disciple still struggled with frustration, the master took him to a bamboo grove. “Observe the bamboo,” he said. “It bends with the wind but does not break. Its strength lies in its flexibility.”The disciple watched as wind howled and the bamboo swayed but remained rooted. “Be like the bamboo,” the master continued. “Do not resist the winds of life. Bend with others' words, but do not let them break your spirit.”This illustrates the strength of adaptability. Life’s challenges can be endured with grace when we stop resisting and remain rooted in who we are.

“The righteous will flourish like a palm tree, they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon.” — Psalm 92:12 (NIV)

The Silent Observer“Master, what should I do when I feel anger rising?” the disciple asked.“Become the silent observer of your mind,” the master replied. “Do not fight the anger, and do not feed it. Simply watch it like a cloud in the sky—it will pass on its own if you do not hold on.”By observing without judgment, the disciple noticed his anger faded quickly. “Anger is like a spark,” the master said. “It only becomes a fire if you add fuel.”

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” — James 1:19–20 (NIV)

The Strength in SilenceOne day, a man publicly insulted the disciple. He remained silent and walked away.“Was my silence weakness?” he later asked.The master replied, “Silence can be louder than words. When you choose not to react, you show strength. The one who controls their tongue controls their destiny.”Silence isn’t avoidance—it’s wisdom in action. It prevents conflict and preserves dignity.

“Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues.” — Proverbs 17:28 (NIV)

The Empty CupThe master once again poured tea for the disciple but continued pouring after the cup was full.“Why do you keep pouring?” the disciple asked.“Because this is what we do with our minds,” said the master. “When filled with anger and resentment, there is no room for peace.”To experience clarity, we must empty our mental cup—release what no longer serves us.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” — Romans 12:2 (NIV)

The Flowing RiverThe master brought the disciple to a river. “See how the water flows around obstacles? It doesn’t fight the rocks. Be like the river. When people block your path, don’t resist—flow around them.”The disciple found this deeply liberating. Life's challenges became obstacles to navigate, not battles to win.

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” — Romans 12:18 (NIV)

Gratitude as RemedyThe disciple once complained of the negativity of others.The master said, “Focus not on their faults, but on what you can learn. Every interaction teaches patience, tolerance, or compassion. Be grateful for these lessons.”This shift in perspective turned frustration into appreciation and gave his anger purpose—it became a teacher, not an enemy.

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” — 1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NIV)

The Peaceful WarriorIn time, the disciple became a peaceful warrior of the mind. No longer afraid of anger or difficult people, he embraced each challenge as a chance to practice strength. His heart was light, his mind clear, his spirit unshakable.

When asked how he reached this state, he would say, “I learned to see anger as a teacher, not an enemy. By letting go of resistance, embracing compassion, and practicing stillness, I found peace no one could take away.”

The path to never getting angry or bothered is one of self-discovery. It requires patience, practice, and a willingness to let go of what no longer serves you. But the reward—a life of peace and clarity—is well worth the effort.

May you walk this path with courage and grace, finding the calm within your own storm.

Part II the deadly boating accident:

But when they got there, the story changed.

The man driving the other boat was slumped over the wheel, already dead. He’d had a heart attack moments earlier—before the crash. Medical reports later confirmed that he’d lost consciousness way before impact, and when he collapsed, his weight fell against the throttle, sending the boat uncontrollably forward at top speed.

What happened to all that rage then?

It dissolved.

There was no one to blame. No villain. No intention. Just tragedy.

What’s the Lesson?

So what’s really hurting us when life “squeezes” us? Is it the stressful moment? The person who betrayed us? The stranger’s insult? The unexpected collision?

Or is it what we’re holding on to?

In The Test of the Stone, the disciple was told to squeeze a stone tighter every time someone angered him. Eventually, he couldn’t bear the pain and fatigue anymore. But the question is—was it ever the stone that caused the suffering?

No. It was the grip.

The same is true for us. The pain isn’t always in the event—it’s in our clenching. It’s in our refusal to release judgment, rage, expectation, or fear. The tighter we hold, the deeper the damage. Our hands bleed not because the stone is cruel, but because we refused to let go.

When we’re squeezed by life—through grief, conflict, betrayal, or pressure—what comes out is what’s already within us. The storm doesn’t create our reaction; it reveals it.

But the beautiful truth is this: we can choose what stays inside. We can fill ourselves with compassion, patience, forgiveness, peace. And when the pressure comes—as it inevitably will—that’s what will spill out.

So let go of the stone.

Drop what doesn’t serve you.

And feel the lightness return.

(The great majority of these lessons are from Zen Philosoph on youtube “how to never get angry or be bothered by people again– Zen and Buddhist Teachings)