Confused? Are you really🤨

“Confusion arises only when I think or insist that the road leads somewhere else—and that is the state most of us are in. Our opinions, our beliefs, our desires, our ambitions are so strong, we are so weighed down by them, that we are incapable of looking at the fact.”

—Jay K.Murti

When applied to the end of an abusive or betrayal-based romantic relationship, the quote becomes almost painfully literal. In these situations, the “confusion” is not because the truth is unclear.

It is because the truth is too clear, too overwhelming…..and too life-altering. (divorce)

So, we insist that it must mean something else.

Example One: The Partner Who Cheated and Then Blamed You

You find the late-night texts.

You see the hotel charges.

You hear the lies that don’t line up.

The facts are right there in your face but your opinions and desires insist the road still leads to marriage counseling, reconciliation, or the “old version” of the relationship that you desperately want back.

So you tell yourself:

• “He or She is just stressed.”

• “Maybe I’m overreacting.”

• “If I work on myself and they’ll come back.”

  
  

But what’s that voice? It’s your conditioned hopes, your belief in the future you once pictured (really your denial or control issues trying desperately to bend reality) and it’s so loud that you literally cannot look directly at what is in front of you.

Confusion exists only because you insist the relationship is something it is not.

The truth is you’re trying to save something that died a long time ago.

Example Two: The Narcissistic Cycle—Idealize, Devalue, Discard

Your partner alternates between love-bombing and cruelty.

One week you are their soulmate; the next week you are worthless.

The fact is that their behavior is abusive, chaotic, and emotionally unsafe.

But your ambition for the relationship, your dream of being “the one who finally gets through to them,” weighs you down. So, you insist the road leads somewhere else:

• “They will change if I just love them harder.”

• “This is just a rough patch.” or my favorite, “It will get better…..eventually.”

• “Their childhood was tough; I should be more patient.”

  
  

Your belief in the version of the relationship that once existed (or the fantasy you carried) blinds you to the reality of the relationship that exists now.

The future you’re grieving is not dying—it died months or years ago.

Example Three: The Woman Who Discovers the Affair But Still Plans the Wedding

She discovers messages with another woman.

She finds out the affair has been going on for months.

She even hears him say, “It meant nothing.”

The fact is brutally simple:

The man she is about to marry has already betrayed her.

But her desire and attachment to the imagined future: the wedding, the house, and eventually children…….becomes heavier than the truth itself.

So instead of seeing reality, she insists:

• “He said he’s sorry.”

• “We’ve invested so much time.”

• “It’s too late to start over.”  (oh yes, I heard this one)

  
  

Confusion arises only because she refuses to accept that the road she’s on is not leading to the life she imagined. The relationship she thinks she’s saving is the one that no longer exists.

The Deep Point

JK is describing what every betrayed partner eventually learns:

The truth is rarely confusing.

The refusal to face it is what creates confusion.

The fear is not of losing the partner.

The fear is of losing thefuture self—

the person you were supposed to become in that relationship,

in that marriage,

in that story you built in your mind.

But that self is already dead.

Reality is simply waiting for you to look at it.

So what’s next then?

1. CHRISTIANITY — You Stop Serving the Lie and Come Back to Truth

Jesus never said, “Stay where you’re being destroyed.”

He said:

“You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” (John 8:32)

The Christian response is:

• Face the truth, even when it hurts

• Don’t participate in falsehood

• Leave what is destroying your soul

• Return to God for healing and identity

  
  

The road Christ calls you to is not the road of pretending, begging, or preserving something God Himself has already departed.

To cling to a dead relationship is to cling to an idol.

So Christianity says:

Let go. Step into truth. Walk with God.

Pick up your cross and follow me.

2. TAOISM — You Stop Resisting Reality and Flow With the Way

The Tao Te Ching teaches:

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.”

When you cling to a relationship that has died through betrayal or cruelty, you are going against the Tao, which creates suffering and confusion.

The Taoist action is:

• Stop forcing the relationship to be something it isn’t

• Stop resisting the truth

• Return to the natural flow

• Allow endings to be endings

  
  

In Taoism, pain begins when we push.

Peace begins when westop pushing.

3. HINDUISM — You Surrender Attachment and Return to Dharma

In the Bhagavad Gita, Krishna tells Arjuna:

“You have a right to your actions, but not to the fruits of your actions.”

Meaning:

You can love.

You can give.

But you cannot control the outcome.

So the Hindu path is:

• Release attachment to how the relationship “should” have turned out

• See betrayal as a sign the karmic contract has completed

• Return to dharma — your right path, your integrity, your soul’s purpose

  
  

In Hinduism, the universe removes what no longer serves your growth.

4. BUDDHISM — You Let Go of the Clinging That Creates Suffering

The Buddha taught that suffering comes from:

tanha — craving, grasping, clinging.

In an abusive or betrayal-filled relationship, the suffering isn’t from the betrayal alone —

it’s fromclinging to the fantasyof what the relationship used to be.

The Buddhist response is:

• See clearly

• Stop clinging

• Accept impermanence

• Walk the path of compassion — including compassion for yourself

  
  

Freedom comes the moment you stop grasping for what is already gone.

5. THE TORAH — You Return to God and Leave Destructive Paths

In the Torah, when something is defiled, corrupted, or harmful, God always instructs:

“Turn away from it and choose life.” (Deut. 30:19)

In Judaism, the action is:

• T’shuvah — return

• Return to God

• Return to truth

• Return to the path of life

  
  

Judaism never tells you to remain in bondage.

It teaches that God leads yououtof Egypt, out of oppression, out of anything that steals your peace.

You leave what is enslaving you.

You choose life.

6. THE QUR’AN — You Do Not Remain Where There Is Harm or Injustice

The Qur’an teaches:

“Do not throw yourselves into destruction.” (2:195)

The Islamic guidance is:

• Do not stay in harm

• Do not support injustice against yourself

• Trust Allah’s plan over your own desire

• Walk toward what is lawful, peaceful, and clean of deceit

  
  

Leaving what harms you is an act of faith. It is not failure.

**THE UNIFIED MESSAGE:

WHEN THE ROAD IS CLEARLY DEAD, YOU LET GO AND RETURN TO TRUTH**

Every tradition — every single one — converges on the same spiritual action:

1. Stop clinging to illusion.

2. Face truth directly.

3. Stop participating in what harms your soul.

4. Release the dead future you were attached to.

5. Return to God, to peace, to alignment, to the path.

The Hardest Part

You are not grieving the partner.

You are grieving theversion of yourselfyou thought you would become with them.

All the great traditions say:

That false self must die

so your true self can live. ❤️🫂