People ask me all the time, “When is it too soon to date?”
That is different for every person. However I must warn you, the Laws of Attraction are scary SCARY real. You are sending out a signal into the universe right now based on your primary #1 emotion.
If you are sad, you will draw someone who is sad.
If you are happy, then the radio signal or frequency that you’re sending out can only be answered by someone who is just as happy.
If you are in the middle of a divorce war; one where you are crying on and off all day, nothing makes sense, you can’t sleep and your health is failing you while your-soon-to-be Ex is mentally assaulting you every chance they get...
Then you are in Hell.
Your life is Chaos and if you choose to date during this time, Chaos is going to show up disguised as Prince Charming.
I still remember the first time it dawned on me in one of our group meetings. There was this lady who in the middle of a war when she got on one of the more popular single sites. Her husband had been horrible to her during the separation and unfaithful multiple times over a period of 25 years. I remember her reporting back to us after her first date. She said the first person she met ended up being this mental case who would eventually stalk her.
She said, “ I was so mad at God. After everything he put me through during my marriage, why did THIS have to be the first guy that he put in front of me!!??!!!!??”
Someone said something that night something about the laws of attraction and it stuck with me the whole next day, like someone tapping me on the shoulder.
I decided to put some research into it and then I had that thunderbolt moment. A montage of memories throughout my life from friends, family, divorce group members who shared their stories with me. Angry and bitter always ended up dating angry and bitter, addiction dated addiction, rebirth dated rebirth and likewise, happy found happy.
So this is where the Iceberg Principle kicks in.
So when you see the iceberg in the water, you only see the tip which is about the size of a bathtub…
What you don’t see the 15 football fields-sized sheets of ice below the surface that are going to shred the hull of your ship like a knife slicing through melted butter. The tip of the iceberg is you seeing this new dating partner as you need them to be at that moment. What’s below the water is how many times they’ve been arrested, the fact that you’re Christian and he’s atheist. He drinks way too much, plus he’s a liberal and you’re a conservative. The fact that you ignore all these things including his unscheduled fits of rage is also what’s called sustained inattentional blindness.
My warning to you is simple based on the paragraph above. If you date too early and you are sad… well.......let’s just say Hannibal Lecter from Silence of the Lambs gets sad too sometimes. If he is within range of your frequency and using the same dating app that you are, guess who is coming to dinner?
The problem is that you’re going through a “rebirth”, much like the way a tree sheds bark.
Who are you right now?
You will not be that same person in 2-5 years time after the ink dries on the divorce.
If you date someone and move in with them immediately… Well one day you’re going to wake up and look at them and say to yourself, “who the hell are you?”
You will be a whole new person with a bunch of different wants and needs.
Am I saying, “not to date?“ No. No one ever listens anyway lol and I didn’t either. 😉
Be realistic about the situation is my advice.
You need to heal and be patient.
“Be patient with yourself. Self growth is tender; it’s holy Ground.
There’s no greater investment.”
-– Stephen Covey
By
Shannon Goertz
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