Q: After my divorce, being married for 23 years, my ex had a live in girlfriend within a few months. Although our divorce was amicable, his girlfriend despises me, and won't even meet me. Our daughter has only met her a few times after over 6 years of them living together.
After the divorce, all of a sudden I lost that half of the family. My nieces and nephew don't recognize me as their aunt anymore, and I wasn't invited to their weddings, which hurt me deeply. Even when my niece passed away suddenly, I was asked not to come to the funeral. I have done nothing to cause this situation. When asked, my ex says he thinks they are doing it out of respect for him and his new girlfriend. I was the one who was in their lives for 27 years as a part of the family and now it's as if I no longer exist. I'm still having a really hard time almost 7 years after my divorce about this. Please, let me know, is this a normal occurrence? Am I supposed to stop loving them because I divorced their uncle/brother? My heart is broken. Thanks in advance!
A: This is something we see quite frequently in the group and I’m really sorry you’re going through it too. just as the leaves fall from the tree, so shall you lose family acquaintances, and friendships that you “thought” were real during a divorce but there are always new buds forming to replace the leaves. This is one of the beautiful things that can happen for you running to people, make new friendships that you were never going to make in this life unless you went through this. Does that make you feel better. No. Does that make all this hurt go away? No.
Now Seven years(?) is too long. Can you imagine holding a bowling ball out in front of you with both hands like your handing it to someone with your elbows locked? For seven years?
It’s time for you to let go, Teresa. You’ve done your time.
You can be free?
There is a quote by roomie, famous poet philosopher
“Why do you stay in prison, when the door is so wide-open?”
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