Q: It’s been over a year since my divorce. My ex did a number on my kids before and after the divorce- I’m the bad guy. It was traumatic at best. And the worst was my daughter, who believes anything he says, will not let me near my grandson even though I raised him do 9 years. Fast forward- I’m finally starting to work on me. Why did I change so much and let things get to where they were etc etc. how can I get me back? I was feeling great, and still somewhat do, about focusing on me. Then they let me talk to my grandson. First phone call lasted 45 minutes and was awesome. Last night was not. He kept asking questions. Wants to see me. Does not understand why I left. Then informs me that my ex has a girlfriend.
I’m not sure what I’m upset about. That I can’t sit down in person to address the questions, that I am still at his mercy, that I feel lied to still or that I still feel like I honored my marriage of 30 years more than he did. 🤷🏻♀️😔😩. I just know I feel right back where I was months ago. Advice?
A: First off this is such a tragedy and I’m so sorry for you and your grandchild. You are lucky though because I’ve heard this story many times and I still remember the first time. This other survivor still had never gotten to see grandchild because of the narcissistic daughter-in-law.
There’s a great many things for you to be upset about.
But there is the most wonderful thing in the world to be grateful for that has happened, which is the fact that you got to talk to your grandchild again. <<— this is where your focus should stay.
Whether someone is right or wrong or what happened before the marriage ended or afterwards… There was always a parallel reality where you never got to talk to your grandchild again
Yet here we are.
But when the kid keeps asking questions, this is where you need to tread so carefully because you’re on a razor edge right now with your answers.
Because the other parties gonna hear about them.
I don’t know if your daughter believes everything he says, but because of what she loses, if she doesn’t, she has made a conscious decision to be unconscious.
Because she’s trying to keep both of you
If she goes to your side, she loses him forever because of who he is
But she has placed her faith in you and your love ❤️, whether you see it or not.
The future of everything I do for the group and my survivors is the instruction on acupuncture, meditation, and yoga
Start yesterday. Wishing u peace.
Shannon
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