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Predicting the future of a romantic relationship

Shannon Goertz

Someone posted in one of the forums I follow that they were upset within three days of having sexual relations, the guy completely changed and basically told her to quit contacting him. I said, that I have always been jealous that females have the ability to predict the future of a romantic relationship where the male gender does not. Of course I got a firestorm of inquiries after that asking to elaborate, and this was my response.


The key is to withhold physical intimacy.

Hear me out. Notice what happened just a few days after becoming intimate with this individual—it was over. So, when meeting someone new, consider saying something like this on your first date:

"I'm looking for something real and lasting. I’ve noticed that people tend to rush into the physical aspect of a relationship, but I'm seeking my best friend first. I want someone who genuinely wants to get to know me, so just to be clear—intimacy is off the table for at least 6 to 9 months."

(And yes, you can say this even if you're tempted to move faster.)

From here, one of three things will happen:

  1. The Hunter – He vanishes into thin air.  He only wanted sex and wanted it quick the whole time. He might even take a break after that orgasm for a few months before he misleads his next victim.

  2. Narcissistic Hunter: this guy….because of what you said about sex being off the table?  He either vanishes instantly or worse, he thinks, “Righhhhtt!! Ok. I will play along.  Let’s see how long she lasts.” You just became more attractive to him and he now sees you as the ultimate trophy.  If they respond respectfully but continue to push boundaries or test your limits by becoming touchy feely, you know really testing your boundaries over the course of the next few dates—consider this a major red flag. WALK AWAY IMMEDIATELY.

  3. The Respectful Gentleman: A true gentleman will understand and respect your position. He might be a little disappointed, but he values your outlook. He may even relate, especially if he has daughters or is also looking for a meaningful, long-term relationship. He will quietly hope for intimacy when the time is right, but more importantly, he’s committed to getting to know you and building a connection.

If a woman shared this perspective with me on a first date, I’d think, “That is a DAMN smart woman!”

I’ve shared this advice on forums over the years, and it always surprises me how many people find it insightful, as if they hadn't considered this approach before. To be clear, I’m not against anyone choosing to be intimate early on in a relationship. The choice is yours—just make it wisely.

A Side Note: The only couple I know from my original group of friends who is still together, and who have one of the most beautiful relationships, are the two people no one would have ever expected to get married. They used to view marriage as death, yet they became what I believe to be "twin flames." They shared similar thoughts, interests, and dislikes, and became close friends long before they ever considered dating. They supported each other through ups and downs, even those related to other romantic relationships they were pursuing before each other. Today, I still see them fall more in love each day. Its real but you have to choose it.


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