Tactical Screaming

Q: I have a question. I am dating someone who I am falling deeply in love with for about a year now. We live together, and are planning on getting married . We get along great, we have fun together, he’s very helpful and caring in ways I have never known before. However, I am hypervigilant to an extreme. I notice EVERYTHING, and I don’t always draw attention to things, in fact, hardly ever. He wants to talk every day on our lunch, it’s only a half an hour, and sometimes his lunch time may vary and I just work around it. The other day he said lunch was going to be late, no big deal, but then it kept getting later and later and nothing. So I checked to see if he was on messenger ( FB) but he had no status. His status is always on, I didn’t say anything. His status remained turned off until he was on his way home. So I asked him about it. Like, did you turn your messenger status off earlier, because it wasn’t there?

He FREAKED out and started yelling at me saying I didn’t trust him saying that I was accusing him of talking to other girls , threatening to delete his facebook, asking me why I was checking his status. I told him I was checking to see if he had recently been online because if he had I would know it’s ok to message him because I would know he wasn’t that busy. He kept yelling, I shut down, we didn’t talk the rest of the evening, the next morning he started in on me again. I told him once that I don’t distrust him, so I refuse to continue being yelled at and interrogated for why I checked his status. I just won’t keep giving him the same answers to the same questions. Anyway, now I am freaked out about his reaction, and I’m trying not to overthink.

I will never ask anything again. In fact, I don’t even want to talk at lunch anymore since this happened. Input?

It’s ok if you say I’m wrong or whatever. I just need opinions on the situation.

A: There is zero reason. (ZERO) for someone to react this way to a simple question and knowing especially that a loved one has a concern and that concern might be hurting them. He was explosive at you because he must find a way to divert the conversation away from this subject ….because he has something to hide. You need to be freaked out about it and you need to overthink it…..

His plan has worked PERFECTLY because you said at the end “I will never ask anything again.”

You have decided to stay in prison.

Keep in mind, the door is unlocked to your cell.