It is not uncommon for someone to come into the divorce support group who is beyond upset. I mean they are in the ninth level of Dante’s Inferno. They are crying uncontrollably and hyperventilating at the same time. They cannot even articulate a single English word to fill us in on what they have been suffering.
There are three things that I see flip someone from that gut-wrenching disposition to a completely different person (almost peaceful) the following week.
1. Accepting rule #2 found here on the website. Rule 2: You must accept that the person you were in love with is dead and gone forever. What you're dealing with now is an entirely new human entity and for some of us, a true enemy. (This metaphor can be found under the Game Plan tab under Rules)
2. Performing the exercise under rule #9: The Exhaustive List - also found on this website in the exact same section. (This exercise is covered under the Game Plan tab marked Rules) It is right out of the book, “How to Fix a Broken Heart” by Dr. Guy Winch. Make an Exhaustive List of reasons why you should NOT be with the person that broke your heart. I call this exercise, “Telling on Yourself” because these are the incidents you didn't tell your friends or family members about, because you knew they would advise you instantly to break up with them. One member told me that during the entire 15 years he was married, not once was he was invited with his wife or children to his in-laws for Thanksgiving or Christmas. This was because he was of another race, different from his wife and her family. He was ashamed of this and never shared it with anyone. THAT goes on the list! Try for 50. Put that List on the notepad on your phone and if you catch yourself with tears in your eyes, open it up and read it. If you have close friends or family that you complain to constantly, give them the list too. That way they can text it to you from time to time if you need it.
3. Immersing yourself in flat everything by Dr. Wayne Dyer. He has books, a website and countless YouTube videos. You can listen to him in the shower, put your earplugs in when you're doing chores around the house and listen to him in the car.
When someone comes to group and they have noticeably changed in one weeks’ time to a calmer person who is visibly less upset than they were the last time we saw them, it is because of one of these three reasons above.
Why are you waiting?
Wishing you peace.
Shannon Goertz
12-3-2020
Commentaires