Why did I break no contact?

Q: I did 63 days no contact then I wrote him an email. I was not expecting a response because he blocked me like he did so many times. Then he got drunk and called me about a week ago. Of course I ran out there and started the process all over again! Problem is he has treated me badly repeatedly and I allowed it and for some reason I’m begging him to love me the way I deserve. I feel so humiliated because now he’s blocked me again and keeps turning me away when he was the one who treated me horribly! He has diagnosed me with narcissistic personality disorder, which is the furthest thing from truth? He tells me I’m mentally ill makes me feel like I’m the problem. I’ve never had a relationship even close to this destructive much less one I would ever go back to, and I find myself wanting him and craving him ridiculously. I just tried to text him and call him and it’s obviously blocked me again which makes me feel so shameful. So now I’m back to square one missing and yearning for him. I’m going to do the best i can not to email him or drive out there. I have a therapist that’s helped me, but I don’t listen to anything he says, which is not helpful. I date and don’t have a problem finding somebody who thinks awesome and would love to be with me. The problem is I can’t commit myself to anyone because I’m so hung up on him so I feel like I’m wasting these people’s time because as soon as someone tries to touch me, I cringe because it’s not him. He is a deep dark person with lots of fetishes that I played into because I wanted him to love me. I did things. I never thought I would do for another human being because I craved his love so desperately he kicked me out of hotel rooms left me an unsafe places where I had to find my way home. Is it normal to want someone back that traded you so bad?

A: You have the trauma bond within you. It is an addiction to sorrow and abuse at the very core of codependency. This is what Beauty and the Beastwas really about. It is the very essence of Stockholm syndrome.

You used a particular word that needs to be redefined—normal. Is it normal to want someone back after they treated you so badly? NOTHING about your post is “normal”. The real question is, why do you want him back after he treated you so poorly?

There is a well-established body of science behind this. I copyrighted a saying in 2018, “We are all where we are today because, it is truly where we want to be.” People often react strongly to that idea because they are searching the surface for answers on the surface for something that can only be found in the deep roots of hell—childhood.

What you are dealing with is addiction.

What you have misunderstood as feelings of loss are actually withdrawal symptoms.

He does not have love to give you. Read that again.

If we sat down together, Paige, and went through thousands of definitions of what love means and let’s say we chose twenty that we both agreed were true and beautiful. I would then ask you: is this what he gave you? And you would hang your head, because deep down, you know he never did.

What he gave you was a strategically timed hit of dopamine to keep you hooked. He is your dealer. And he knows it. He has weaponized it against you.

So what do you do now?

You treat it like an addiction. Remove the meth from your life.