Fear and loneliness

We have many fears.

There’s fear of darkness, fear of living, fear of death, fear of public opinion, fear of what our neighbor might say, fear of losing our spouse or partner, fear of insecurity, and even fear of losing our economic security once we have it. Humanity has carried fear since the beginning of time, yet we have not solved it. We devote enormous intelligence to preparing for war, designing weapons, and creating elaborate systems of defense, yet that same intelligence is rarely applied to understanding and ending fear.

Why is that?

Why haven’t we gone into this question with the same seriousness we bring to ambition, hunger, or the pursuit of wealth? Psychologists and therapists have offered explanations, but explanations alone do not dissolve fear. You end up finding (if you’re listening) that they too are often as fearful as we are.

Fear affects every part of our being. When fear arises, our body tightens, our brain becomes confused, and our thoughts are paralyzed. It disturbs our sleep, our relationships, and our sense of peace. It breeds anxiety, depression, and suspicion, and drives us to cling to things that we hope will not change.

So, there are only two ways to deal with fear: we can trim its branches (its symptoms and expressions) or ….we can go to its root. Like a tree with countless branches, fear appears in many forms, yet cutting those branches does not end its life.

To be free, we must find the root cause of fear itself.

So, what is this causation of fear? Would you answer it? Think. What is the cause?

You can’t. One would find with focus that the explanation is not the fact.

You may paint a marvelous picture of the mountain, hung in all the museums of the world, but that picture is not the mountain.

The word “fear” is not fear—right? Fear is just a word.  

But the word “fear” may evoke fear. So we are not dealing with the description, with the word, but with the depth and the strength of fear. We are going to find out together as you are reading this. It is not a situation where I explain and you accept. Read slower and more carefully so that you discover it and therefore it is your truth and not somebody else’s truth.

You can’t live with someone else’s truth, you can only live with truth.

So what is the cause of fear? I will go into it.

Is it thought?

Is it time?

Is it thought? LOOK >>> Example thoughts: I am living—one is living now. And thought says,

“I might die tomorrow,” or “I might lose my job,”

“I have my money in the bank, but the bank may fail,”

“I am alright with my wife or husband today, but they may turn to somebody tomorrow,”

“I have written a book and I hope it will be a great success,” (that statement contains “fear” that it won’t?) “I have written it because I want to be known,” which those thoughts are very childish when you think about it. “I want to be known and somebody is known already much more known than I am.”

There is this thinking, that is, thinking>>I might lose>>>I might gain>>>>I might be lonely.

Might? (well when do we find out if things might go wrong?) TIME…. Needs to go by ⏱️ tick tock… time… in time…. It might?

So thinking is one of the factors of fear—right? I am all right with my friends, with my wife and my children but I also know, I have experienced this sense of desperate loneliness.

Don’t you know it? A sense of deep frightening loneliness. And I am frightened. Have you ever examined what loneliness is? Why it has its cause? Don’t you know, don’t you have this feeling of loneliness?

Am I talking something, saying something abnormal? Remember attachment is the root of suffering. Attachment is when you’re holding on to something, however illusory, however false, however meaningless. I hold on to my wife. I hold on to my club, to my God, to my ritual, to my friends, because if I let go………..I am utterly lonely.

Have you ever gone into that question: why human beings are so frightened of loneliness?

You may live in a neighborhood full of wonderful people. You may be part of a political party, a church group, or a social club that keeps you constantly surrounded by others. You may even be deeply involved in community events or charitable organizations. But strip all of that away—all the roles, labels, and decorations—and what are you? Lonely. Why? Why are you? What is loneliness? Not to have any relationship with anything, with nature, with another, with the friend or woman or the man with whom I have lived; all that somehow has withdrawn, I am left utterly empty, lonely—why? What is this feeling of utter despair?

I will explain but the explanation is not the fact. The word is not the thing. If that becomes very clear, that the word is not the thing, you Mr. Smith is not Mr. Smith, the word is not you, when you say, “My wife,” or “My husband,” that is—you understand? I am glad you understand that at least.

So explanation is not the reality, the truth. So look at it—let’s look at it without the word, without the word “loneliness.”

Can you do it? To look at that feeling without using the word “lonely” or “despair.” (?)

Loneliness comes when all our days are spent in self-centeredness. (yeah… Ouch.) 😉

The very activity of self-centeredness is producing loneliness—right? Because it is narrowing the VAST extraordinary existence of life, into a small little me.

And when one realizes that, there is that feeling, “My god, how lonely I am.” And to face it, to be with it completely, not move away from it, then there is a radical change.

So, we must come back to this question of fear. We said thought is one of the causes of fear—obviously. I am thinking about death because I am an old man, or young, or you see some hearse going by with all the flowers, horses, cars. What a civilized country this is, with all the noise of death.

And #1 I see that thought is one of the causes of death, one of the causes of fear—right? Do you see this? An obvious fact, right?

And also #2, Time is a factor of fear—right?

Now, why is time a factor of fear?

Because time allows the mind to imagine what might happen. ⏱️⏱️⏱️⏱️…….

The moment you project yourself into the future—tomorrow, next week, next year—fear begins. Time gives you room to worry. You think, “What if I lose my job next month?” or “What if my health fails as I get older?” or “What if my partner leaves me?” The fear is not in the present moment—it is in the time between now and what might come. Time lets thought create distance between “what is” and “what might be,” and in that distance, fear is born. If there were no tomorrow to think about, fear could not exist, because fear always lives in anticipation—never in the actual moment.

So, time and thought are the root of fear.

Time and thought.

There is no division between thought and time.

Now the question is: thought is necessary, time is necessary—right? To go from here to there, time is necessary. And thought is necessary to drive a car, to take a bus, to take the train. Thought is necessary, time is necessary at that level. Right? Now I am saying, as thought and time are the root of fear, is thought and time necessary? Vous avez compris? There it is necessary.

But psychologically, is thought and time necessary? Right? Is it? As long as time and thought, if you think, are necessary in the psychological world—in the world of the self, in the world of psyche, in the world inside your skin—then you will be perpetually in fear—right?

If you perceive that, if there is perception that thought is the root of fear and time—perception, not acceptance—then thought and time are necessary at the physical level;

Inwardly it is not necessary. (inside of you the kingdom of heaven is within, as you think so shall you be, you are your own heaven and your own hell)

Therefore you are watching then. You are watching, the brain is actively watching itself every minute to see that thought and time do not enter into its realm. This requires—you understand?—this requires great attention, awareness, so that the brain, which has accumulated fear for centuries or for one day, that brain sees where it is necessary, where it is not necessary. Therefore it is watching like a hawk so that thought and time don’t enter into the whole process of living. You understand?

This is real discipline, this is learning.

As we explained the other day, discipline means—the root meaning of that word is disciple—the disciple is one who learns, who is learning all the time. He never says, “I have learnt,” and stays. The brain is watching itself all the time so that it is active, so there is no time for it to move or to change. You have understood something?

You see, sirs and ladies, our difficulty is that we listen to a lot of things, we know a great deal, we have searched, asked, and read. We have sought the advice of others, we have wandered the earth to find out—to find out what it is all about—but we never ask of ourselves, we never demand of ourselves serious, deep questions. We always ask superficial questions, and so we make our life very superficial. But if you asked questions—questions that demand answers from yourself—so that you exercise your brain, your feelings, your whole attention is given to that question, then you begin to discover for yourself without being told by anybody, including me.

And so, when there is freedom from fear, you don’t want anything from anybody in the world—then you are truly FREE.

                                                                                                                                                        —J.K. Murti