Your “Letting Go” – muscle.

My spiritual mentor often reminds me that Letting Go is like a muscle — the more you practice it, the stronger it becomes.

In the heartbreak business, we’re always telling people, “You have to let go.” Accept life as it is, not as you think it should be. We say, “Let go or be dragged,” but we rarely talk about what comes after, like the positive side of Letting Go. Is something better on the way?

Often, the answer is yes.

Letting go of a failed business venture, for example, can open the door to opportunities you never noticed before. Or imagine being unjustly fired? Could that loss actually be a gift in disguise? I know from experience that it can. Years ago, I thought losing my job after college was the worst thing that could happen. In reality, it was the very event that pushed me into becoming a business owner, one of the best turns of my career.

Chaos is an illusion.

What felt like disaster was actually a doorway.

So, remember: opening your hand is not just about dropping the past—it’s also about being ready to receive what’s next. (?)

Letting go is not just a spiritual practice—it’s a life skill we’re asked to use every single day. Life constantly hands us moments, both small and large, that call for release. Sometimes it’s simple, like traffic ruining your perfect schedule or your favorite restaurant being closed when you were craving it. Other times, it’s profound—like releasing the dream of a relationship that no longer works, or stepping back from a career path that no longer feels true. We face these crossroads everywhere: in family, friendships, health, and purpose. The question is not if we’ll have to let go, but how. When we learn to release with wisdom instead of resistance, we find freedom. Letting go skillfully is one of the greatest keys to peace and joy in this life.

Letting go after the end of a romantic relationship requires far more than simply moving on from the person. It’s not just about releasing old texts, photos, or memories of what could have been. The real work is deeper.

It’s letting go of the grip our hearts keep on the story itself. (like a skipping record)

We cling to the idea of who we thought we were with them, who we hoped we would become together, and what the future was supposed to look like. Healing means releasing not only the other person but also the version of ourselves that was tied to them. The greatest freedom comes when we stop clinging to those dying identities and open ourselves to who we really are without them.

This is where true renewal begins when you realize that losing someone does not mean losing yourself.

The idea of letting go is NOT easy. Some resist childishly and I can tell you from my experience, it’s just like watching a toddler throw a fit inside a grocery store. Why? Because life didn’t bend to your schedule? Do you act this way when you find out that your favorite restaurant closed?  No, you go and eat somewhere else and sometimes the food at the new place is even better.

The Universe/God does not owe us consistency.

In moments like these, we confuse letting go with giving up, when in reality it’s about releasing our grip on what we can’t control. The monster of Denial also gets in the way. We cling to the illusion that if we just hold tighter, reality will eventually match our wishes. But it never does. This shows up most painfully in heartbreak: we cling to the dream of what the relationship was supposed to be, even long after the person is gone. Real letting go isn’t weakness. It’s the courage to stop fighting with reality, to stop living in denial, and to make space for the new chapter waiting to unfold.

Letting go can happen in two ways: sometimes we let go of the thing itself, and other times we let go of the grip we have on it. There are moments when giving something up is critical like when a person is addicted to alcohol. The bottle, who brings it to you, friends and family members that continue to drink in front of you may have to all go.

Just to be clear, it’s not the thing that causes the pain. It’s your clinging. Attachment is the root of all suffering. You feel pain? Look at it…..and there it is. You feel pain? No matter what it is, you’re clinging to something.

This is a universal truth covered by every religion.

“Seek my face, and you will find not only my presence but also peace. To receive my peace, you must change your grasping, controlling stance to one of openness and trust. The only thing you can grasp without damaging your soul is my hand. Ask my spirit within you to order your day and control your thoughts for the mind controlled by the spirit is life and peace.”

                                                                                                                  –Psalm 46: 1-2

Life is suffering. Suffering is caused by craving and attachment.

Most of it is clinging to your future self which is ironic because your “future self” died without you knowing most likely years ago. 

Think about it.

What if you just found out your wife has been cheating for 15 years with six different men?

Or what about when a woman finds out her husband has been married to someone else the entire length of their marriage and has kids with that person??????

I can assure you that your future self under those circumstances not only died when the cheating began ……….but your future self was buried 8 feet in the ground a long time ago.

Denial of the inevitable is because you want to cling. Denial though causes you to lose touch with reality.

Grasping itself, more than the object we cling to, is the root of suffering. Clinging clouds our vision, disconnects us from ourselves, and stirs painful emotions, limiting our flexibility and creativity. By examining both the act of grasping and what we cling to, we can discern what to release: harmful objects should be abandoned, while beneficial ones—like caring for others, nurturing health, or enjoying nature—are best embraced without attachment. In this way, the good remains, but the suffering caused by clinging falls away.

The practice and exercise of the “letting go” muscle has two inseparable sides: releasing what we hold on to and opening into what comes next. Like letting go of a diving board in order to enter the pool, true freedom requires both parts.

Letting go isn’t just about loss, it is the doorway to gain. When we release fear, we make space for safety; when we let go of the need to be right, we step into peace; when we drop obsessive thoughts, we open into the calm.

The truth is that “holding on”—blocks you from receiving anything new.

Only by releasing what no longer serves us can we receive what does.

Letting go is not the end of your story.

This is only the beginning.

                                                                                                                                                          —Shannon Goertz